we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
