Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
