Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
