To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
