I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
