i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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