It's Friday. Sex?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
