The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
