I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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