i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
