i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
