Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am one with the molecules
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
