well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
