I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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