theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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