not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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