I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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