Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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