She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
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I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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