strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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