Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
