yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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