proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
