if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
