im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize