overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
