Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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