It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
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Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
whose ass print is on the piano?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
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My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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