we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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