"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
