I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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