haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
