Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
