maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize