Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
where are you?
Hypothermia
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
