the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
