i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
