I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
