I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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