I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
