Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
