i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
