This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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