Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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