apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
