yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
