At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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