remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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