the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
