i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
