I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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