Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
