You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
