I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
