So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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