I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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