He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
