you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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