i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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