mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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