When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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