dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
