he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
